deliberate me
half sitting
waiting
hovering over porcelain
like the robin over her nest
seceding the remaining evidence into the sea
i listen
to water draining painfully from it's port
i read
the only WW i'll ever love
i admire how the paint
covers even the breakers on the wall
and i notice i'm moving not at all
only my eyes
my lungs
my thoughts
but i would keep those still if i could
and i trip/fall into my lover's bed
while i laugh/cry for my misfortune
and in life
i might be bury bottomed
but in my dreams i'm headed west
focused
forgotten
driving like i had somewhere to go
flooding the last day
with scenes from the first
and waiting
oh that unnerv'd waiting
for the when
when i will want no more
Posted by cainnum at 10:43 AM
dream
ha! you read the title and thought 'hey another poem'. well you were wrong. not a poem. instead just a depressing recounting of a dream i had two nights ago.
now you know this had to have affected me at least a bit if i remember it two days after i had it. i was sitting on the back of a city bus, a la the graduate, when i noticed that every few stops a friend of mine would get on. not just people i hang out with now, but everyone that i've ever called my friend within the past twelve years, even you know who. the bus wasn't full or anything, but there were quite a few people there, which made me feel good. what was also cool was the fact that the friends that had any sort of falling out were being friendly to each other, as if they had actually forgiven each other for whatever they were mad about. it was generally a very nice dream, but there was something wrong.
i was at least halfway aware during this dream, and there was one thing i was thinking the entire time. there is no way in hell this would ever happen. too much animosity, too many miles, not enough time. just wishful thinking on the part of my sub conscience. it was a very bittersweet dream. sigh.....
Posted by cainnum at 2:41 PM
believe me, i'm just as shocked as you are
i'm moving! like out of my mom's place, into a house, with a roommate and everything. i'll be paying rent, and bills. it's like being an adult. pretty cool huh? my roommate's name is Adawna. she reminds me of Margie, except she's very punk rock, tattoos and piercings. she has an awesome six year old boy named Syrus. I think I'm gonna like it there. I've already started moving stuff. hopefully i will be fully moved in by thursday or friday. oh yeah mom is giving me the big screen! i can't believe it. i'm so happy i could plotz!
Posted by cainnum at 10:11 AM
Japan!
Me: Overweight twenty something with a penchant for bad poetry and video games. Japan: country of 127,333,002 people, scattered with neon and pachinko. It's a match made in heaven if you ask me. So just in case anyone has not been made aware yet, I will at this time make it official. I am moving to
Japan! Now don't go getting all sad just yet. I'm not leaving tomorrow, although given the choice I might. I will most likely finish up school. If it goes as planned I will teach english there (not engrish). They like it when you at least have a bachelor's degree in the subject. I don't even have to be fluent in Japanese, but I will learn it anyway, to the best of my abilites. Hey i've already got a head start, thanks to Joshie. I don't know why it's so appealing there. they're just....weird. I like weird. I like flashing lights. I like
technological gadgets that the rest of the world won't see for God knows how long. I like spending money, which is apparantly all those people do. I like how they revere their fat people, although I hope they don't send me to sumo camp. And, of course there's the other stuff: anime, sushi, video games, hot chicks, DDR and what have you. I'm sure there are things that will get on my nerves. namely baseball. I wonder if there's some way i could get hockey to catch on there. oh well, doesn't matter. i'm still going. no matter what, come hell or high water, as God as my witness, I shall become a most honorable citizen of the land of the Rising Sun!
Posted by cainnum at 3:33 PM
we want you to see
let the pain
jump from hands
to head
let the feet fall out
and the ground say goodbye
feel the quake
of nerves
and skin
lose the broken smile
and scream for the sun
to stay below
we want you to see
what you hid from yourself
the weightless thoughts of love
behind your eyes
under your tongue
tied down by that waiting hand
did you need to let us know
you were stale here, cold
sinking in carpet, sticking to walls
using words like smoke
hitting hearts and making way
for the big one
but while you hold the impulse
to start making sense
we'll ease you into the role
of a lifetime
start:
shift the vocal pitch
pivot from waist
wave from left to right
skirt the shark
but don't jump
and while you spill words
trip up the verse
and spend money like time
we'll run screaming
hoping you catch up
praying you realize,
above all, that we want you
to see
Posted by cainnum at 11:24 AM
the science of blogging
ok not science really, more like the random art of blogging, all Jackson Pollack style. No matter where you are in the world, how old you are, race, yadda yadda yadda, there's always a little slice of bandwith just for you, ready to be wasted at a moment's notice. It's like putting your own little star in the sky, except a lot more would probably happen upon your star than your blog. or vice versa. i dunno. someone get on that. whatever the case, i've decided to take Dave's advice, follow Veronica's example, and start practicing (and preaching) quality over quantity. If you're a daily reader of my blog (Josh), you'll know that you're lucky if you get more than a small paragraph out of me. it does seem however that if i store up my creative juices for a few days, i can at least come up with something mildly amusing. actually disregard all of this. my real problem is getting over wanting to tend to my blog daily like a little baby, making sure it isn't neglected, waiting constantly for comments from my peers, and the like. i have a life, albeit a pretty boring life. hence, not wanting to go blah blahing on a daily basis. i guess what it really boils down to is speaking your mind on your daily life or point of views in a creative way. there. that was easy. lord only knows why it took an entire page. maybe blogs are really for windbags. speaking of which,.......
Posted by cainnum at 2:00 PM
