The Sun (and it's imminent demise)
standing below it, i can finally see
the corona shift slowly
from head to hands
and back again
the lake reflects the light
as the news hits
that a star it is not
but a hole in the sky
where someone once did leave
this growing island
and now it is time to shut
the sun
and all its power
the door is our disbelief
the lock, our ignorance
and the ensuing darkness
hides our fading smiles
as we realize all too late
the sun's very imminent demise
is ours as well
Posted by cainnum at 6:03 PM
reason
the reason for not posting for at least a week......horrible depression. i didn't want to bring anyone down, so i didn't bother with posting, but i'm posting about it now, soo...whatever. i already have one victim, sorry margie. anyway, most of it has to do with dieting and knowing that it will never get anywhere with it. not being able to acquire any sort of gainful employment has also been bothering me as well. i thought that i was getting a little better yesterday when i went to go babysit for candace, but i lost it heading back home on the bus. Too much thinking, too much worrying, whatever it was, i started crying. not like bawling or anything, but quite sobbing. on the bus. with a lot of people watching. thankfully most of them ignored me. there was one girl who was giving me funny looks, but i looked up at her and she quickly looked away. i was pretty embarassed, and dried up pretty quickly. i got off the bus and finished what i started while walking home. i don't know what my problem is. i'll get over it i guess.
dave i'm a damn liar and won't be able to visit this weekend. i'm really sorry. i'm completely broke.
also if anybody would like to suggest halloween costumes for me that would be awesome. anything really. i'm desperate.
there was something else i was going to say but i can't remember. i'm sorry if i made anybody sad.
Posted by cainnum at 7:19 AM
quite frankly, the funniest thing ever
This is right up my alley as far as humor is concerned. utterly absurd. There is a movie scheduled for release next summer called 'Snakes on a Plane'. Here is what
IMDB has on it. Best movie title ever as far as i'm concerned. I'm going to see it on the title alone. It might suck. Who knows. That is not the issue. The reason for posting is (disregard the strip and scroll down for the funny)
this. The Wigu version. I still cannot look at or even think about it without laughing. Oh dear and me without t-shirt money.
Posted by cainnum at 4:59 PM
patience
this post is going to be very cathartic for me. it's on a subject i really should discuss with my family, but never will, but i have to get it out, otherwise i might explode.
My aunt evelyn is driving me crazy. quite literally.
first of all i know it's my own damn fault for not being fiscally responsible and having to move back in with my mom and aunt. hopefully this will be remedied soon. but probably not until i get the hang of this weightloss thing.
anyhoo, my aunt is not very stable. i won't go into detail, bc it is her life and i'm sure she wouldn't appreciate it if i started writing about her medical history on her blog. she has to take a lot of medicine and we have to sort of keep an eye on her. that's not the problem however. the two problems are as follows.
number one, her memory. it's not like she can't remember where she put glasses or what have you. she can't remember an episode of law and order she saw two days ago, and i have to pay for it, by watching the same damn episodes over and over again, and i didn't really like law and order to begin with. BTW if you're asking how that's possible, turn it to TNT sometime. They don't really show much else. it's really frustrating.
she also has compulsions. very ocd. Not at the level of monk or anything. not yet anyways.
but none of this is her fault. i know it. she also is aware of her problems and has apologized, even though that wasn't necessary. the real problem is me. i am not a patient person, and i know this. i get really angry at her, and don't do a very good job of hiding it. i really need some method of dealing with my anger and thusly become nicer towards her, because she deserves it, and i do love her. i don't think counting to ten and breathing is quite the way to go, but something similar, maybe some sort of mantra.
i really feel bad when i get angry with her, and i need to atone by being super sweet to her. but she's not use to that and it might tip her off that somethings up. i'll just be kind for now. i hope. God how i do hope.
Posted by cainnum at 8:57 PM
Diet
So i've got it all planned out. Sort of. I printed up a list of basic rules for dieting. Most of it is common sense stuff. Eat lots of vegetables. eat a lot of uncooked food. What i thought was weird was that it said for the first few days eat every two hours. Something to do with a change in metabolism. There are a couple of things i'm going to do that i think might help. First off, I vow never to eat
white bread again. *we'll see how long that lasts* Also lowering my portions, which is reallly gonna suck, cause i'm a big eater. Also ice cream. *sigh* I thought cigarettes were a bad addiction. oh yeah it also says i should make a meal plan and have at least ten meals i can eat. This is a lot to keep up with.
Posted by cainnum at 3:30 PM
weight
Margie talked me into trying to lose weight, so a couple of weeks ago i started exercising at the gym here at the apts. Thirty minutes on the treadmill, or one mile, which ever comes first, freeweight exercises, push ups and sit ups. Just doing what i know. But i've been getting the sinking feeling lately that it's all for naught. It's like looking at mt. everest from the bottom and not seeing the top. A tunnel with no light at the end. Impossible. i'm nearly four hundred pounds. i've been fat all of my life. it really feels hopeless. i'm not fishing for encouragement or anything. just speaking my peace. it just really seems pointless.
Posted by cainnum at 5:35 PM
Mish mash
don't really know what to post about. i'll write random stuff and everybody can comment on whatever they want, sort of like a buffet. I saw serenity and liked it a lot. there are a lot of people talking shit about the movie and browncoats because it only made ten million dollars over the weekend. To those people i say DIE! I helped candace move into an apartment 50 ft from her old one. My brother is visiting for the week, and cooking like a mofo. Duh.....the gym was closed because someone vandalized it, and it finally opened back up today. I watched the 40 year old virgin just now. Funniest damn movie i've seen in a while. Been kinda depressed. Miss my peeps in D-town. that's all for now.
Posted by cainnum at 6:40 PM
